SKG Articles: The Three Weeks

By Mindy Ribner of Beit Miriam

Only the holy month of Av could be a container for the saddest of days, Tisha B'Av (the 9th of Av),
the day commemorating the destruction of the Holy Temple and the happiest of days Tu B'Av (the
15th of Av) the time of the full moon of Av, the Jewish Sadie Hawkins day, when the women in Biblical
times would dance before the men and marriages would take place between the tribes. The Talmud
tells us that Tu B'Av was the most joyous of days, a day to meet one's soul mate.

In living our lives this month, it is important to appreciate that Tisha B'Av comes before Tu B'Av. Out
of sorrow comes joy, out of destruction comes rebirth. There are cycles and spirals in life. It is quite
helpful to know this so as to be able to be more present to receive the spiritual benefits of each time
period as well as ride the ups and downs of life, particularly this month, more gracefully.

People new to kabbalah may question the significance of commemorating by public fast and the
reading of Lamentations the destruction of an edifice that existed thousands of years ago. What is
its relevance to us today? Why should we tie ourselves to a past of suffering? Furthermore, on
Tisha B'Av, we revisit all the pain, and persecution they experienced as a people throughout history
besides the destruction of the Holy Temple.

Beyond reinforcing the political claim of the Jewish people to the Temple Mount that Tisha B'Av does
which is particularly relevant to us today, the commemoration of the destruction of the Holy Temple
keeps us energetically tied to it's kabbalistic meaning and this can be a healing and transformative
experience. There is a learning that we do from the allowing ourselves to experience loss that is
redemptive to ourselves and to the world.

In ancient times the Holy Temple was a powerful container, a high energy vortex and conduit for the
highest spiritual energies. The Temple was considered the embodiment of the feminine expression
of the Divine, the Shechinah, who dwells within this world. The Temple was home, it was a place of
intersection between the physical and spiritual worlds, a place for the revelation of the Ruach
Hakodesh, the Holy Spirit, where miracles were openly and continuously revealed. At the time of the
Holy Temple it was said that millions of people were filled with the holy spirit, ruach ha kodesh and
prophecy.

When the Temple existed, the Creator was thought to reside there and at least three times a year
everyone made a trip to Jerusalem. It was a glorious era in our history but alas, our Holy Temple did
not last. Our sages tell us that the Temple was destroyed not because of external enemies but
because we did not love each other. My teacher Reb Shlomo used to say that the Temple was
destroyed because it stopped breaking our hearts. We took the physical structure of the Temple for
granted then as we do now with so many gifts we have been given in this world. We forgot that the
original intention of the Temple was to facilitate and mirror the interior experience of God's Presence
within us. God had instructed us in the Torah, "Make Me a sanctuary and I will dwell within you."(
Exod.25:8) The verse does not say " in it" but "within or among you."

The destruction of the Holy Temple and in recent years its occupation by another people, many of
whom want to destroy us, reminds us the God is not fully present in this world. God does not have a
home in this world, and neither do we. The destruction of the Temple symbolizes the blockages in
the flow of divine energy between the spiritual and physical worlds, the schism between the spiritual
and material dimensions of our lives, between the masculine and feminine, between what we do and
who we are. As a result, we are at war within ourselves, with each other and with our mother earth.
We feel isolated, and alone. This is what is meant by the exile of the Shechinah, the Divine
Presence. This is the spiritual root cause of the suffering, communal and personal in this world.

The first nine days of the month of Av is a cathartic, cleansing, intensive period of time known as
"The Nine Days". There are tools of restricting for the Nine Days that provide a container/vessel to
do this kind of inner work. These Nine Days are an optimal time to slow down and reflect upon our
personal losses, our brokenness and the lack of inner and outer harmony in our lives. It is the time
to acknowledge to ourselves and others that we are broken and so is the world. To pretend
otherwise, is to be in denial of reality, to be dishonest, to be unwilling to be with what is. The world is
filled with needless suffering and hatred. We can blame politicians for world conditions, but if we are
really honest with ourselves, we must acknowledge our personal responsibility the disconnection
and concealment of Light in our lives through power struggles and game playing in our own lives

The Talmud tells us that in every generation when the Temple is not rebuilt, it is as if we have
destroyed it. This refers not merely to the physical structure of the Temple, but rather to the
embodiment of the spiritual essence, what the Temple represents in our life. The Divine intention in
creation and the yearning of our souls is to have a dwelling place in physical reality. We can each, in
our own bodies, relationships, homes, and communities build holy sanctuaries for the indwelling of
the Shechinah. And this is what the rabbis wanted to teach us in developing the rituals that they did
after the destruction of the Temple. And this is what is behind the new age and holistic movement as
well.

Each person, each home, each synagogue is a potential miniature Holy Temple and we need to ask
ourselves this month the following questions: How do I create sacred space within myself and others
so as to experience the Divine Presence within me, within others and in the spaces between us?
How do I listen to the voice of the soul, and the wisdom of the body? How do I listen and honor
others? Kabbalah teaches us that the fixing for the month of Av is hearing.

Many of us growing up in dysfunctional families were not heard and we learned how to not hear
ourselves or others. As a result, we suffer from low self esteem and do not feel worthy of being close
to God. Told not to feel what we felt, not to be who we were, we internalized this rejection and
learned to reject ourselves, our bodies, our inner wisdom and in so doing we do not provide a place
within us and within our midst for the Shechinah to dwell.

Having experienced emotional abandonment in our early years, we re-enact this abandonment in
repeating many negative, compulsive and addictive behaviors that mirror this abandonment. We
continue to run away from ourselves when we use food, sex, television, shopping, working too hard,
partying, to avoid feeling the depth of our feelings. Many of us are addicts of some sort or another,
to varying degrees.

Though some of us may not engage in any behaviors we associate with addiction, many of us are
addicted to our inner critic, to the need to feel not good enough, the need to be perfect, the need to
be in control, the need to be right, etc. Through these ego defenses, we build artificial walls between
the self and God. We listen to the voice of the yetzer hara, the evil inclination, the ego who
masquerades as the self rather than the soul. We shut God out, we close our hearts and we suffer,
experiencing ourselves as separate, limited physical beings and not a part of the whole.

Rather than being able to be with ourselves and the depth of our souls, we consciously or
unconsciously seek to distract and numb ourselves, often resorting to blaming ourselves or others.
Sadly enough, outside of the therapy room, 12 Step programs, a limited number of small groups,
and amazing families there are few communal and intimate places where our pain may be witnessed
and our tears may be heard.

Tisha B'Av is one of the times that the Jewish people have appropriated for healing, redeeming and
transforming pain. On Tisha B'Av we publicly share our sadness, grief and our responsibility for the
suffering that we personally and the Jewish people as a whole have endured and continue to
endure. It is actually a mitzvah to totally immerse ourselves in grief, and to share our grief and our
woundedness with others. Sharing our pain is a tremendously bonding and heart opening
experience. We are told that the Messiah is born on Tisha B'Av. The commemoration of Tisha B'Av
also makes us highly sensitive to the suffering of other peoples.
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There are many spiritual and meditation practices associated with the energy of this month. The one
that I would like to explore at this time is the powerful Jewish spiritual practice of spiritual crying.
Today, unfortunately, so many people do not know how to do this without feeling self-indulgent,
depressed, frightened, overwhelmed or weak. The beginning half of this month is a time for spiritual
crying. Now is the time to feel the depth of our feelings, and weep. Cry alone, cry with others, and
cry to God.

There are all kinds of tears. There are tears that dry us up. We simply collapse into the feelings of
self-pity and depression, reinforcing the walls of the ego self and these tears leave us drained
because we are actually resisting the depth of our feelings rather than feeling and expressing them.

And then there are also holy tears that are found in a well much deeper inside us that open the
gates in heaven and within our own hearts. When we go deep inside into the depth of our personal
pain, breathe into it and surrender to it rather than wallow in it, our tears penetrate through the walls
of the ego self and we contact God and God comforts us. We then realize that the root of our pain is
not personal, but ontological. We are crying for the Shechinah, and we, so to speak, experience
God crying through us.

When we cry to God, and ultimately for God, the tears we shed now flow through us, we witness
them rather than manufacture them. It is quite amazing that when we allow ourselves to feel the
depths of our soul, our pain is lifted from us and we are made whole. These holy and sweet tears
may be likened to a mikva, a ritual bath, for they heal and cleanse the world, not only ourselves

The Talmud tells us "There is nothing more complete than a broken heart." This is a paradox, like
everything holy and real in life. Out of the feeling of brokenness, we are made whole and we are
redeemed. Through our tears, we see what is essential and true and we are comforted. Through our
capacity to feel vulnerable, we are given strength and power.

The energy of the month dramatically shifts after Tisha B'Av. We move from the feelings of loss,
from the experience of mourning, to the experience of renewal, and healing. Tu B'Av is the
re-emergence of the feminine. It is rebirth. It is a taste of the messianic time. It is a time of love and
unification. It is the full moon. It is not well known but Tu B'Av is the highest day kabbalistically.

Source: Beit Miriam email group

Books by Melinda Ribner can be found in our online store.
Kabbalah Month by Month also offers additional teachings, stories, and meditations about the energy of this month.
New Age Judaism offers teachings about the intersection of New Age and Kabbalah, and most relevantly about the
paradigm shift that occurred after the Temple was destroyed and now once again we are undergoing another
paradigm shift after the Holocaust.
Everday Kabbalah offers numerous meditations, and teaching for healing.